Dad has been home a total of seven days in the over six weeks since mom died. He left four days after it happened to spend some time away with my younger brother down in Coos Bay. He rested, wrote and visited with Jeff and Melissa. He said he had some dark days, but he was okay.
He came home for less than a week and one of my borrowed brothers, Dale, sent him a plane ticket so he could come see him in Kansas for two weeks. Dale lost his wife a little over a year ago so I thought it would be good for dad to have him to talk to.
Dad just returned this past Sunday and now he is off, four days later, to Jeff’s again for a week. My older brother, Wade, is coming from Nevada to visit and they are all meeting up at Jeff’s.
Trying to arrange this last trip was like dealing with the Three Stooges. If I had them in the same room rather than on separate telephone lines, I would have slapped them. Dad can’t seem to make a decision and the boys talk over and past each other until it is a muddled mess. It went something like this:
I came home last night and dad announced, “Jeff is coming to pick me up tomorrow.” (It is a 5-1/2 hour drive one way and Jeff is disabled.) “But, he doesn’t know how I will get me home.”
I said, “I thought Wade was coming to get you after he visited with Jeff.” (That is what the email said that Wade sent me the day before.)
Dad: Jeff said Wade expects me to come for the whole summer. I don’t want to be gone that long. I have stuff to do here.
I don’t want him to be gone that long either. I need company. I need him to help make some decisions of what stays and what goes. I need us to work up a routine again. I need my daddy. I feel like I have lost both parents.
Dad: Maybe I should just go with Wade for a week and come back before the 1st.
Dad wanted to pick up the supplies to roof the deck this weekend. If he spends the weekend with the boys and then goes home with Wade it will be two or three weeks before he gets back to his project.
Me: Well, if you are going to be going home with Wade, maybe you should just let Wade come and get you like originally planned and save Jeff the long drive tomorrow.
Dad: That sounds like a good idea.
At this point Jeff called.
Jeff: I can’t believe how convoluted this has become. Dad needs to make up his mind what he wants to do.
Me: I just talked to him and he wants to have Wade come and get him on Thursday like he originally planned.
Jeff: Well, I was just trying to save Wade a long drive and we three could visit.
Me: Did Wade complain about coming to get Dad?
He is a truck driver after all and used to driving all day and night if need be.
Jeff: No and I don’t want to make the drive unless I have to. I just spent two weeks with dad. I was just going to help out. I don’t know what is happening.
I can feel him tearing his hair on the other end of the phone.
Me: So, stay home and Wade can come as planned and get dad. I’ll call Wade and tell him to go back to Plan A.
Jeff: Great.
At this point Jeff hangs up and takes his meds for the night. He is no longer available for talking, but I don’t know this. I call Wade to confirm.
Wade: So, I have to come get Dad? I’ll be putting over 1,000 miles on my car.
He’s not happy. For that matter, neither am I. I am supposed to be the packer, not the planner for this trip.
Me: So, call Jeff and tell him you are back to Plan B and he needs to come get Dad.
Dad drives still, but not all the way to Coos Bay by himself. He would need help/company for a drive that length. I can’t take him. I have to work.
Wade: I’ll call Jeff.
Me: Dad and I are going out for my birthday. Call me on my cell or leave me a message so I know whether to have dad packed and ready.
Wade: Will do.
Dad and I go to dinner. We return to a voice message from Wade.
Wade: I’ll call you when I get up there. (Cryptic to say the lease. Who is coming to get dad and when? Is that too much to ask?)
I try to call Jeff because I know Wade is on the road. No answer. I call Wade.
Me: So what did Jeff say?
Wade: I didn’t talk to him.
Me: I thought that was what you were going to do three hours ago.
Frustration is only half the problem.
Wade: You try to call him. I’m not sure I can get through to him on my cell.
He’s whimping out on me. I thought he was the one who wanted to see Dad. He didn’t make it for mom’s last days.
Me: I tried already.
I want out of this. I don’t know how I got in the middle.
Wade: Keep trying.
I just want to shoot them both. I hang up the phone.
Dad: So should we pack?
Me: No, I left it with Jeff that he was not coming to get you. Wade will pick you up next Thursday.
Dad falls asleep in front of the TV. I fume.
Now it is the next morning. Dad asks, “Do you think Jeff will show up to pick me up?”
Me: Nope. I left it with him that he was not coming.
Dad: I really don’t want to go home with Wade. I would like to go visit with Jeff and Wade for the weekend and then just come home, but Jeff didn’t know how he would get me home.
Now he tells me what he really wants. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I call Jeff.
“This is what Dad would really like,” I say with a big sigh. “He would like to come down there and visit with you and Wade and then come home. He doesn’t want to go home with Wade right now. If you can’t come get him, I can send him down on the train or bus.”
Jeff: I don’t mind coming to get him. I can come get him. (What happened to I don’t want to drive that far if I don’t have to?)
Me: You can send him home on the bus or train.
Jeff: If he will stay until Thursday (the day he would have gone home with Wade) I can bring him home. Let me get off the phone and on my way.
I hang up. Tell dad he is going to see Jeff and Wade for a week and to start laying things out for me to pack. (We made him a traveling list last time he went to Dale’s, because when he went to Jeff’s he left all his clothes behind.) I have 15 minutes until I have to leave for work.
I made it. Dad is packed. He will be on his way by early this afternoon. I made it to work only slightly late.
The three of them are moving targets. At least mom stays put.
This is why I drink.
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